Paul F. Alphen
My cousin Vinnie, the
retiring suburban real estate attorney, was on the Cape for a family wedding,
so we made a point of getting together at my place after
the festivities. Vinnie had, perhaps, recently completed his
final function as a practicing attorney, as an expert witness in a land use
case. I took him for a boat ride around Waquoit Bay, to tear him away from my
bourbon collection.
“Paulie”, Vinnie bellowed,
“I was on the stand for the better part of four hours. I loved every second.
You reach a point in your career when nobody can throw a fast ball past you.” I
knew of which he spoke. We slowly dieseled past the oyster farms and I told
Vinnie that we would sample some of the harvest upon our return to the dock.
Vinnie continued, “I had to explain the differences between a pre-existing
non-conforming use, and a pre-existing non-conforming structure. I explained how
Chapter 40A Section 7 can treat unlawful structures in place for at least ten
years as pre-existing non-conforming structures, but unlawful uses inside a
structure are only protected if they were used in accordance with a building
permit for over six years. I spent almost two hours explaining in the ins and
outs of Chapter 40A Section 6, including how you
can lose the protections of the first paragraph unless construction is
commenced within twelve months, and construction is continued through to completion as
continuously and expeditiously as is reasonable; plus the case law on what that
all means.”
I spun up the turbochargers, and we flew across
the Bay. Once we slowed down, I asked Vinnie if anyone else in the courtroom
knew what he was talking about. “Paulie, only Plaintiff’s counsel. Defense counsel was as baffled as I am when I
have conversation with a bankruptcy attorney. Of course, usually the bankruptcy
attorney is attempting to make me feel like an idiot. On the stand, I try to be
professorial, and I try to teach everyone in the room how zoning works. It was
like trying to teach a stranger about rock and roll. Defense counsel would ask me the same
questions over and over again, as if he didn’t hear me the first four times!”
As I have written in the
past, each time I read each new mindless John Grisham novel, I anxiously await
for him to write something unflattering about a real estate attorney, as if
real estate attorneys are not real lawyers, because they don’t spar with court clerks
and judges. I would like to see Grisham explain one sentence out of Section 7
to the non-lawyer, volunteer members of the Podunk Zoning Board of Appeals.
Vinnie made a career out
of it.
Paul Alphen is former
REBA President and current Co-chair of the Association’s Long-term Planning
Committee. He is also President of an obscure organization known as The
Abstract Club. On most summer days Paul
Alphen can be found on his boat in Waqouit Bay.
His “My Cousin Vinnie” stories are a longstanding feature of REBA
News. Paul can be contacted at palphen@alphensantos.com.
